A Brand New Day

Humanity Inspired


on March 9, 2015

Recalling the excruciating emotional pain of a friendship that suddenly went awry after days, months, years of sharing life events and telling each other your deepest thoughts and feelings; Or perhaps a monumental misunderstanding that led to the loss of a beloved job or valued relationships with coworkers; Or perhaps an unwanted divorce or the death of a loved one.  All types of loss of someone close to you that at one time brought joy, brightness, support and unfailing enrichment in your daily life suddenly gone!  After days, months and even years of trying to make sense of such an unexpected parting the sadness and pain may not ever really go way.  The experience weighs heavily on your mind and body.  Will it ever just go away so you can breathe freely and feel carefree?  Will you ever be able to trust a potential friend, partner or coworker again?

Often people who are still holding onto their painful past experiences struggle to LET IT GO.  I often get the question of “How do you get over it?” or “How do you let it go?”

Most people who seek an answer have been told over and over that TIME will heal the burdensome pain.  That would be part of my answer, but the other part of the answer is you have to WANT to let it go.  Puzzled with that answer?  Many who haven’t been able to move on with their lives in fact get an emotional reward by holding onto the old pain.  Why?  Some hold onto it to remain in certain roles such as The Good Guy, The Rescuer, The Bad Guy, The Poor Guy, The It Was Their Fault Guy, The I Get Sympathy Guy, The I Can’t Forgive Myself Guy…you get the picture here.  For those who truly want to LET IT GO and move forward with their lives the realization that you are getting some sort of emotional pay off for holding onto that ball and chain of pain needs to be recognized.

Be honest, examine your true emotions so you can figure out why you still insist on holding on.  Once you realize that you remain in a VICTIM frame of mind and you decide you no longer care to be the victim, you can begin to release the pain.  FORGIVENESS plays a huge part in being able to finally let it go.  Whether you need to forgive yourself for screwing up or forgive someone else who screwed up your life, you will need to do so.  Once you are able to MAKE PEACE WITH THE PAIN, not condoning what has been done, you will be able to let the burden lift off your mind and body.  Only then will you be able to move forward with your life and onto future great things.

My best to you, Teresa Reichart-Vernon, LSCSW

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